Thursday, April 30, 2009

***Forever missed***

My paternal Grandpa passed on last 23 April 2009. He went just 1 month shy of his 80th birthday. This has been an exceptionally hard piece to write on. It all happened too fast. One minute Hazmy and I were having dinner, a phone call intercepted our conversation, it was my sister telling me that Gran has fallen, unconcious but still breathing. I panicked and packed what was left of our food. Rushed to Gran's only to find him lying there lifeless. We only had to wait the doctor's confirmation. It was tough to see him healthy at one point and with just a blink of an eye, he was gone. I was wailing and regretted not being able to see him probably 10-15 minutes earlier before he went. Just to ask for forgiveness or maybe to recite the "Syahadah"for him..something!

Back before when Daanya was younger (5-6months), both my grandparents would come by to play with her...Gran especially enjoys teaching the "tepuk amai amai" and Daanya would equally reciprocate by clapping her hands together...later on when she learnt to speak she would sing together with him. Progressing on, when my Granny's knees hurt too much that she can't drive anymore, my parents would take Daanya to visit them (they live 5 minutes away). Later on, with both Grans were constantly attacked with fever or flu, my parents try not to bring Daanya over just so that she won't contract them...A week earlier before the passing, it was after dinner as I recalled, Daanya was in the car and she had recited her "tepuk amai amai". Mind you this was after a loooonnnggg time since Gran recited to her...Hazmy and I was at awe that she actually remembered...but Allah knows best...Exactly one week since that, Gran passed on.

There are so many fond memories of Gran but it is still too difficult to write about it here...All I can say is he was a man that take all of God's tests in his stride and marched through his life making the best of what he has. He had children that he was so proud of though maybe he does not say it in so many words. He definitely loved his grandchildren and great grandchildren. He saw the burial of his eldest daughter when she lost her battle with cancer almost 10 years ago. He was a man so simple that never demands for the impossible.

At the day of his burial, Daanya asked what happened to Tok Yang? I had to let her know that Tok Yang went to heaven. Occassionally, she would just say Tok Yang go heaven. I take it that she remembers him still presently. I wonder if she'll remember him years from now. That is why hard as it is, I felt that this had to be written in Gran's rememberance for her if she reads this blog in the future.

Gran, I write this with tears in my eyes cause I was heartbroken when you went away. I am still in so much pain. I felt that I did not get enough of you and your presence during the time that you were still around. It wasn't enough. I needed more. I missed the time when you used to tell us stories of how you worked during oppression, how you put your children through school till they become what they are today, how you used to tell us how you walked to work cause you never knew how to drive, how you used to tell me my dad washed his own clothes and did household chores cause Granny was so strict....I MISS ALL THAT!!! TAK PUAS!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

***It's back!!!***

At the beginning of this year, we decided to do up Her Royal Highness' aka Daanya's room...just so that she would have her own space where she can play and feel comfortable in. We had her 3-in-1 cot to toddler bed moved into her room from ours due to this. We thought since she is co-sleeping with us anyway, there is no point having her bed in our room, so in her room it stayed...until yesterday, when I decided that she needs to learn to sleep in her own bed. She initially fell asleep on our bed and later on we carried her onto her own. Boy, it felt great to have the bed to ourselves for a change...Most of all it felt good to actually sleep next to hubby after a looooooong while of having Her Royal Highness in between us and conquering all the space. I almost forgot what it feels like to cozy up next to hubby...***sigh*** and dozing off felt more comfortable and easier too...until, at 2am I heard her voice calling "mummy,mummy" having her hand on my cheeks trying to wake me up...opened my eyes and saw her sitting next to me and saw that I had opened my eyes she said "I want to sleep mummy" as in "I want to sleep next to you mummy" then I said ok come sleep next to mummy and doze off she went...30 minutes later, I transfered her again on her bed and off to sleep I went...then at 5am she did it again...her hand on my cheek trying to wake me up...ok, I said sleep next to mummy...and there she slept comfortably till morning...Come morning she woke up cheery and happy like as though she slept through like a log...while mummy the exact opposite...hmmmpphhhh...

But, we will try at it again tonight and probably days to come and see to it that this sleeping arrangement works...however I anticipate that this will be a tiring process...and a sleepy one at that!!!But we are determined to re-claim our reign...huwaaaa....

Friday, April 10, 2009

***Sit back, Relax & Enjoy the finer things in life***

Everything has been moving in a very fast pace. In a blink of an eye everything just altered right before your very eyes. One day you are so used to the norm and suddenly it came as a shocker what has transpired. Some accept the change with an open heart and mindset and some played it out as though the road ahead would be bleak and would eventually reach its dead end. Some laughed and some cried. Some fled from the scene could not be bothered and some people like me get to sit back and observe. With all that has been going on, I thank my lucky stars and am grateful with all life has to offer in my personal life and also in my career. Ever since Daanya, my priorities started to change. My perspective to what I want out of life has differed since premarital standing. Ever since Daanya, I have pledged that she and my other children to come deserves the best that we can give including our attention. Due to that, career high has not been what I was after. I am grateful for the opportunity given to me to date. I was just reassured the other day during a meeting with my superior that I am still needed as charge de projects where I am currently and that he needs people that he can trust and are responsible. As long as the yearly pay hikes can always be expected and bonuses, I am good to go. What is important is that my aim has always been to be there for my children and seeing to their welfare. I grew up with both my parents chasing after being the best at what they do career wise but at that time it was totally understandable. We were fortunate to get the best of everything due to that. We were comfortable yes, but it tore me to pieces that my parents were not around all the time...My dad did alot of travelling and managing his personnels back then, and mum was and still is the key person crunching numbers for her organization. This is partly why I never saw chasing after a career as one of my top priority. I just want to be with my family and that is my goal...you know as I quote a colleague who had said this before to me "whatever happens in the office I don't care, I still have my family, my children and the life out there. The world does not stop just because things are a havoc in the office". I take that in Mr. S and reflected "how true!" Eversince that, actually eversince before that (2 years ago, when Daanya was born actually, the moment she was laid on my body and I instantly fell in love with her and have been addicted to her eversince), this year I have finally made a resolution (check out my 2009 new year's post) to transform my life. To go ahead and do things I only thought or imagined of doing before this and thought that a baby or children was a hindrance to that. This year so far, I have begun to take a breather and concentrate on me and my family. So far all of the projects towards that are well on the way...and to GOD I pray that it would all be smooth sailing, Insya Allah. I have been so happy and content with this process of transformation under my wings so far that I cannot wait for the outcome. Personal and family KPIs for the 1st quarter are right on target!!! YAHOOoooo! So here I sit, set out to enjoy the finer things in life and making that my life goal, while things are revolving around in the office and in the world day to day. Of course a promotion would be a bonus but until then I am content doing what I am doing and loving it ;)

Friday, March 27, 2009

***She is now 2***


















My little darling turned two last Monday. The date also marked our (Hazmy & I) 13 years of courtship prior to marriage. Back to the case and point...yup she is now 2...My thoughts often wander to the times when she was just delivered and welcoming her and all the milestones she had successfully undergone. We always say that she was a happy baby, never fussy, that anything goes...Everything was easy when it comes to taking care of her...she just does not make u want to tear your hair out...till today! Of course she goes through spells of temper tantrums and dissatisfactions but majoritily she always put a smile on our faces. She has grown into such a sweet little lady and an intelligent one at that! (of course, I am a bit bias!). She keeps surprising us with all that she's picked up and learned. She has turned into quite the conversationalist and a definite chatterbox. We can have conversations with her and she would response accordingly.

The past year have shown to us that she's quite a talent...singing, acting, dancing...all there....this might have infused into her by my side of the family...My dad is quite the singer himself and he would sing when requested at family gatherings and such. Hazmy and I have explored the many many outlets to send her so that she is able to hone those talents and skills. She has also found a love for building things...she loves her lego sets where she would build something and say this is a house or a hoist or things like that. She also loves the mechanics of how things work. She gets a new toy she would not go for aesthetics first, instead she checks out how it is connected, the screws or how a wheel to her push cart rotates..things like that...now that I must say she takes after Hazmy's chinese side of the family. They are engineers (most of them anyway) and the rest are either a quantity surveyor and fields connected to that. Plus, Hazmy has a knack for DIY and this appears so prominently in her.

Her developments have been so vast that it is hard to keep track anymore. She can now eat solids and often demands that she does everything herself...she often stresses on independence and that should be a good thing right?? Not actually for a mummy who finds it hard to let go. So she feeds herself now and loves food that we consume as well...so preparing meals now are easier especially when (at the very few chance that I get) on the days I feel like cooking, she would just basically have what we have...and of course when it gets to the spicy ones, she would have the milder version. Otherwise breakfast can be as simple as a roti telur when we have breakfast at the mamak's place or french toast when we eat breakfast at home, or spaghetti for dinner, or soup and the likes.

We are potty training her now...and so far it has turned out positively. We just instructed to tell us when she needs to go "yak-yak"/poo or "shee-shee"/pee. So far, she has not missed telling us when she needs to "yak-yak" and we would run to the bathroom for her to sit on the throne with the junior seat insertion that we got a while back. We chose to train her to sit on the big throne because we did not want to go through the hassle of using those little potties and having to clean them after also we did not want to have to go through re-training her once she is ready for the big throne. So there!! We are either lazy or practical..conclude it how you want!! ;P

Time-outs are fading out a bit in our household. She used to cry her eyeballs out whenever she has to go into time outs...Now, she takes herself there in her own accord. Heck she even puts her baby dolls and barney into time outs whenever she thinks that they misbehave! The funny thing is that she imitates us doing it too..." Be quiet, sit there! Don't move!" hahahhaha she does a good immitation of me I must say...Anyway, she mocks this method cause often she would take her ownself there and says with an angelic face "Mummy, Daanya time out ok? ok?" and here I go assuring her, " Daanya, you have been a good girl, no need to go time-out" and there she would sit for 5 minutes...hahahhahaha....Oh, mind you she also puts her uncles and aunties, grandparents included into time outs whenever they misbehaved too! hahahahahha....she really cracks us up...

She has indeed brighten up our lives with her presence and we were so lucky to be with people we love to celebrate her 2nd birthday. We celebrated a day earlier as Monday was a work day. Hazmy and I took that day off cause we wanted to spend the entire day with her. Anyhoo, we organized a small get together with family members at our place...my sis (kudos manja!) used decorations from last year to set a birthday ambience to the place. I prepared roast chicken (3 roast chickens!!!) and vegetables, MIL brought lamb stew and my mom brought fruits and desserts oh and SIL brought potato salad...was good food, good company, a good celebration would want it any other way. Daanya had a wonderful time with all the familiar faces, faces of people that loves her unconditionally. And she got some good pressies too!!! It was perfect...a moment we'll cherish forever! Thank you everyone!

Daanya, Mummy loves you with all her heart and soul...I am so proud of your abilities and what you can do. Most of all I am so proud of the fact that you are mine and you will forever be my baby girl...Mummy and daddy will set out to give you the best of everything and at no compromise at that. You only deserve the best that we can offer you...Always remember that you will always have us and your family on your side at your beck and call. Family and religion is your core and never not acknowledge that...Mummy and Daddy may not be there all the time to be with you but we promise that our actions and decisions are of you as the focus and direction. I thank GOD for you always and though at times mummy and daddy can get a bit tough on you, rest assured it is for your own good. Happy 2nd Birthday!!! When you come to read this one day, you may think this is corny but let it be known that mummy feels it needs to be said to remember this year by...I have been quite sentimental about you growing up hence this corny birthday message ;P but I love you nevertheless...xoxo


Thursday, February 26, 2009

***Of Crushed Dreams and Wishful Thinkings***

Have you ever wondered about your life's decisions that led you to where you are right now in the present time and the person that you've become because of those choices? Do you wake up the morning after thinking and possibly fooling yourselves of how content you are with life when you are a ball of knots in the inside and there is this inner voice constantly reminding you that things could be so much clearer and so much better.And you cannot help but wonder "If only...."

As I sit here in my office looking out my window at the gloomy weather wondering why is it that the rain always make you feel nostalgic?I think back of how I grew up right to those school years and uni days, the acquaintances that I've made, the encounters with crushes and the countless first loves ;P, achievements and failures...all of those experiences turning you into the person you are today. Was it meant to be this? I cannot help but think of the path I took growing and wondered what were to happen if I did this or that? Would my life take a detour towards better or worse? Regrets you say? Not regrets but a yearning. A yearning for betterment. A yearning for the potential not just settle for "just because". I have always been a over achiever, a dweller into the deepest of rationales and thoughts. Though I feel like a Type A personality the tests always comes back with an A+B, a little of both worlds. Still I cannot help wanting to make things a little better...to live with a certain level of potential. Of course for every road you trudge there are bound to be some hindrances, the lack of needed support here and there and the unwanted voices telling you to be wise and asking you to take your time. If only they knew of how messed up things are and how messed up I am inside for wanting better. So it is at times like these you sort out within yourself internally and vow to stand on your own and try no matter what to make things happen for the betterment of yourself, your marriage and your own family. Not for vendetta never for vendetta. My intended goal is just to make things clearer and better for the sake of my family. I want so much to be happy and in this case happy means to carry on with that very intention - that yearning! So I may sometimes cut myself out from your perception of a bond for I do not want to pretend to be happy when I am not. I may not be what you expect for I am not him and he may be your pride and joy. You and him, you form the perfect bond that is unbreakable even during your times of dispute. I can't be that, I certainly can't be him and I certainly don't want to for as much as I love him, I hate his obnoxious side. And that remark from his mouth I will certainly not forget. I know you want to be me..you want to have it all like me though you live the life that I have always wanted for myself, you will never come close though I wish for happiness and success for you always. But sometimes, it feels like I've been betrayed by over and over by flesh and blood.

So, yes! I do wish for different. But I would not change that part of my past for it has made me a shield and protected me. Over the years, I have learned to accept and just like now, I will again continue to accept. I did not have the rightful support then and I grew up yearning for better. I am here now still yearning but this time I know something will materialize because
of it and the satisfaction is knowing that I will get there regardless of your remarks and your half-hearted support cause now I have my own life line.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

***Something New***

Like the new look for solitude?? Just thought I'd try something new and it is growing on me!

***Timeout Timekeeper***

I think I know now why they termed it "The Terrible Two". Daanya will turn two next month and I think lately she has introduced to us a gist of what "two" will be like. I foresee a year of temper tantrums and probably alot of mummy's voice screeching away trying to keep order. I also foresee alot of disciplining muahahaha....

Actually, the first year was very quiet and a cute phase I think. Alot of discovery my young one had done (sounding a bit like Yoda here!). Evidently we were very proud, content and amused of her abilities and potential. Somehow, now that she is approaching t-w-o, we or at least me, I found her to be very vocal and loud making clear of her demands. She clearly thinks that she can still get away with murder in our house!Something needs to be done and FAST!!! A mummy's patience is being tested here!!!

We lately introduced "time-out" not as a mean of punishment but basically to keep a distance between her and us when she is out of order. Before time-outs, I find that I am unable to control my frustrations causing me to nag non-stop like a parrot on steroids..and I really hate turning into that kind of a mom...so time-outs keep order around our house (Yeah, I sound like I have a household filled with chaos, melodramatic remember???). Anyway, she now knows that whenever she is in time-out she had done something that mummy and daddy dislikes. And get this she actually stays in her time-out corner not moving away. She does of course cry apologetically while she's there and would often try to catch somemore of our attention by pretending to vormit (which sometimes, goo does come out at that attempt), or she would slide herself onto her tummy and pretended to hit her head on the floor....something to that extend to catch our attention but we let a good 2-3 minutes go by before resuming any attention back to her. I read somewhere that when you first introduce time-outs a good 2 minutes lapse will do. And so far this has worked for us. Whenever we say time-out she would immediately response no-no. Or when we console her after and talked about what she did that we did not like and asked her "do you want to be a naughty girl?" she would say no. Of course we hug and kiss kiss and immediately she would find some other way to annoy us...oh well...Anyhow, we are glad to announce that the disciplining period has now commenced....

I do pity her when she's in time-outs and often I'd crumble inside so wanting to say it is ok...but I know sometimes you have to be a little bit mean for the results to go a long way...So I do find myself being a little bit stronger now...the first few times, I wanted to cry having to hear my child pleading but now it gets better (yes, it has been numerous time-outs already!!!Don't let her looks fool ya!). Now, I see daddy resorting into the method too...hahaha this is a guy that spoils his kid rotten....well at least now he experience for himself what I have to deal with everyday and now knows that it is not all fun and games with us. She tests us alot now and I find it essential to let her know her boundaries. At the end, it is the hug that she gives and a peck on the cheek is enough for me to know that we're ok and hopefully later in her life she knows that this is all for the better...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

***I am no supermom compared to her but I wanna be her***

As I was growing up, my imagination would always wander off and I used to imagine what it would've been like to have my own babies and having to take care of them, what it would be like to be a doting wife and most of all a doting mother. I always imagined only the best and beautiful of things. In my world of fantasy, my babies did not cry or have temper tantrums, I would'nt need to raise my voice at them and discipline them, they would be the perfect children. In those very fantasies, I would be the perfect wife who did not understand the word exhaustion keeping everything in its place and always catering to my husband's needs and minding the nest, so to speak. Fast forwarding to reality, now that I am a wife and a mother, it is in fact all that I never and certainly did not imagine things to be...hahaha.

Now that I am here, being the typical overly-thinking-into-things (some would call it drama queen
!), type A+B individual, I cannot help thinking of the past and go "ppffftttt" what was I thinking??? Things now are pretty much the opposite of the things I imagined. I hardly have time to be the doting wife due to work hours and exhaustion there after, my kid throws temper tantrums whenever she feels like it resulting in me to sometimes lose it!!!

However, I know for a fact that what I am going through is the norm and many others are going through even messier situations...I know that this is
peanut compared to one Kate Gosselin and how she manages her children, a set of twins and another set of sextuplets - making this a total of 8 children. I love to watch their show on Discovery, Jon & Kate plus 8 and just watching how she organizes their home and her children is totally astounding!!! and I so totally envy that. I never hear a complaint out of her and her hubby instead she finds humor in the most annoying and irritating situations when dealing with her children. I found that she only had good things to say of her husband and always thanked him for giving her a helping hand amidst her busy and hectic life. I cannot imagine having to do what she is doing on an everyday basis!!! Having twins to me is still manageable but having to deal with the other 6 of the same age must be totally CRAZY!!!and for that I salute her!!!! I have total respect for her...I love to see those children and how each has their individual needs and how well Kate and Jon recognizes each and every child as the individual that they are...and how she keeps things so well organized and on a schedule and still manages to keep order...and get this the children loves each other! and of course they have their casual spats but none of them fights for attention more than the other...meaning that each are equally paid attention to and they look so happy....OMG!!!I am so jealous!I don't know how she does it but she does it and for that she gets a gazillion stars on my books!!! So, Jon & Kate, this is a tribute for you and your family to thank you for making me realize how measly my troubles are when it comes to dealing with our little Daanya and balancing that with managing the household...I have such a profound respect for you and your husband, wish you all the love in the world and the good job you've done with the kids!!!



p/s: I always love to read about them and
here is a mention of their interview with Oprah.


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

***Au Revoir 2008, Bonjour 2009***

2008 came and left with just a blink...at least that was what it felt like. I really don't know whether it is me or just my "about-to-go-insane" imagination and gut feeling that raising a child automatically consequent day and night to just come and go at light speed. ***sigh*** 2008 have placed its fair share of chronicles onto my wall of memoirs...but what's definite are that there are lessons to learn from all highs and lows, happy and sad...

Looking back through it all, I constantly thank the "Force-from-up-Above" for our little Daanya everyday of my life since she came into the world. The year proved to us how fast she's grown into the little person that she is. I choke and sometimes get teary eyed reminiscing through her baby photos and really am amazed at how she evolved from this incapable little baby into being so get-out-of-my-way-mummy independent. Suddenly mummy is not so significant anymore :( I do find myself guilty of still wanting to shield and protect her from all the bads in the world right down to the tiniest of germs and viruses to the big bad wolves that we find ourselves constantly afraid of too. But as she grows and grows so quickly and notably, I have to learn to let go a little as hard as it may seem. This makes me a teeny weeny sad. Soon she is going to learn how to fly and leave the nest huwaaaaaaaa (drama much?? haha) Yeah, but that is the reality of it and somehow I think I am getting bouts of depression just thinking about it...I dunno...some say that it is time to think and plan for another baby...then when I rationalize and I look at Daanya and she makes me feel so undivided. That having her is enough for now, that I want to enjoy having her to myself for a liiiiittle bit longer. Also pangs of pity arises at the thought of her having to share us with her sibling(s). Is it crazy to think this way?? Perhaps some might say...but I really don't give a S*** cause that is just how I feel about it...maybe I am not ready though there are parties already making their thoughts be heard loudly..but to contradict myself yes, I would love to go through the whole process over again, taking care of the little one, the whole night feeding routine, the whole mumbo jumbo....perhaps when the time is right and I don't hesitate at making the decision...perhaps when I don't see the need to rationalize and that at one snap I know that I want another then maybe that is the right time...could be next week or next year or even the next 5 years who knows....for now let me give Daanya complete attention and eventhough she does at times get claustrophobic and say "mummy sit there" (telling me to sit away from her) while she attends to her business of wrecking her toys, running up and down
or even while watching Barney, I really don't care...Daanya let me assure you that I will smother you at every chance I get even till you find a man and settle down and smother your own, I will do just that!!! muahahahahahhahaha!!!!

On the marital front, things are smooth sailing. We've been married now 3 years as of last Dec 31st but over the 13 years we've known each other, I found myself just having to constantly adjust, adapt and tolerate. I guess it's ditto for Hazmy as well. But as everyday comes and with a little one on the side plus with busy career schedules, I do find myself sometimes missing the attention and the times alone. On the other hand, I thank Hazmy for always being there, for always being open to communicate, for accepting me (flaws and all) and the demands that I make (yes, I can be a pretty difficult woman!hahaha). I thank the Al-Mighty for you for you have shown me and taught me so much. I really cannot imagine living without you for you, you show me so much strength and patience though you are crumbling inside. I love that we are always on the same page when it comes to raising Daanya and managing our household. I can be whiny, impatient and nagging most of the times (hahaha) but you always portray such patience and taught me to see the light....Thank you. Oh, and thank you for the wonderful birthday treat...I loved every minute! Our getaways which took place last December and early January was so much fun...you sacrificed so much even at the expense of your own needs to give us the best of everything and it will be those times that is cherished and remembered...

Turning 29...I am still on the fence on this one! One thing for sure is the feeling is so different from the feeling and excitement of turning 21...No doubt everyone gets older but I find that as you get older a birthday is just another birthday. I don't anticipate it as much anymore. However, I do find myself reflecting on my life more now. What have I accomplished, am I happy or on the contrary, is all enough...you know those kind of things. And somehow there is this voice hovering over me telling me that there is so much more to see, achieve and accomplish. So many opportunity and experiences yet to be grabbed. The more I reflect the more I realised that there is this void within me that I just cannot have on handle on what it is...I do know that that void is the result of me not being satisfied with so much in my life, resultant of me being so depressed and feeling so unaccomplished, feels as though that thing to be achieved is so near yet so far...I really do not know how to explain this but that's just how it is....well it is my inner demons to deal with and I would probably need to do some soul searching to get answers though in my heart of hearts I roughly know what it is but have yet to confirm that it is...(am I making any sense???)

Anyhoo, other perks to the year that was 2008 among many also saw the birth of Dhiren Kumar Lim Vasudevan, baby boy to my best friend, Patricia....he is such a cutie...and I am so happy for their little family. Dhiren was so anticipated and much awaited...such joy...I am so proud of my best friend...Sweets, you will be the best mother I assure you!

Then there was that time when my brother Joe starred in the DiGi ad as well as Brylcreame facial wash...he will appear in other ads along 2009, Insya Allah. Good for him if only he could learn to save the money he gets from them ads rather than spending them one shot!!!

My sis, Manja has completed school though I keep reminding her that SPM is just the first step. The entrance to a bigger complex arena...if only she could see the world through my eyes at my standing point right now...

With every high comes its lows..and ours came in the events where my Atok and Hazmy's nenek fell ill. They are both braving through their illnesses and am so proud at their developments. Other than that Daanya also was admitted a few days before Hari Raya...and that was very testing even for me...I had a taste of what it felt like to have your child in distress and if not much what a mother would feel to lose a child. I would not dwell into it any further but Alhamdulillah she was so brave to have gone through that ordeal.

All in all it was a satisfactory year. A year of reflection as I would now call it...A year that matured me and made me think of what is important and significant. A year where I treasure and cherish those moments shared with people I love and that made it clear enough that I am at my happiest being with these people - families and friends included.

So with that, bring on 2009! I expect some soul searching is due and I have many many questions needing its answers...Perhaps it would be a year of transformation (how do I come up with this terms??? Don't ask..somehow along my path through 2008, I picked up being melodramatic!) That would be my resolution for 2009...to transform!!!hehe I cannot help but smile at that last sentence...can't help thinking of the movie...hahhahaha hopefully not into a robot mentally and emotionally la hahaha...We'll see how this resolution goes....Well, as a family we have alot to achieve the first half of the year...we'll see how that goes too...will report on it if it materializes...otherwise in it goes into the pending tray...but I hope to trudge through 2009 along with its bumps expecting to learn more and turn me into a sensible adult especially now with a kid in hand and turning the big 3-0.....Insya Allah....





Thursday, October 23, 2008

***Of silver platters and pedestals***

It saddens me to encounter people who seemed to have forgotten their roots. Being in this new position now for 4 months had opened my eyes to a whole lot personalities, traits and vices of people that I have no choice but to work with. It is so sad to see this people so succumbed and so absorbed into their role and position titles just like an actor coming into a character in his play. Maybe I am just naive but what happened to modesty and being humble? What is so wrong about doing a little admin work or clerical work when you are a manager? or what is wrong with preparing the department's budget when you are just an executive and not the Head of Department? How about little old me that has to literally at one point split my body in gazillion pieces just so that I can run tasks as the head, the executive and also the office admin???? I see nothing wrong in doing tasks that is beneath us if it means getting the job done. Nothing wrong with humility, I think it makes people look up to you more at least expand your networks...I don't see why people have to be so calculative and stand for the tag line "it is not in my JD"...Gosh it won't kill you to be seen with low level employees...SO SAD for these people....such disgrace....Thank GOD my parents thought me well...yes, we had it all growing up but to an extent we are not spoilt. We never judge or befriend people because of their power and position. We were raised to be humble and start from the bottom....I am just set to make a good impression and let my work speak for itself. Maybe some would oppose and say "Yeah right, that will get you nowhere!" But at the end of the day I want to be passionate about my work and most of all I want to be sincere in accomplishing my tasks and contribute. I want to be looked as someone dependable not someone whose calculative and be rigid on what is stated on the JD...maybe I am just old fashioned that way...***sigh*** Oh well....

Thursday, September 18, 2008

***Baby Dhiren Kumar Lim Vasudevan ***

Sometimes the best of miracles come when you least expect them. My best friend has been struggling with fertility issues ever since she got married. Just at the point of losing hope, one began to think of how wondrous GOD's plans can be. They've both been tested with their own share of challenges and faired. She was ecstatic with the news right before christmas. It was indeed a wonderful christmas and anniversary present for their whole family. I too got really excited and happy with the news. Daanya was just about 9 months and I was just changing her when I received my best friend's phone call bearing good and happy news. I was all smiles. I was happy and cannot help a release a sigh thinking into the future and hope that our kids too can be best of friends....and I started seeing both of us hanging out together with our kids over lunch or tea or dinner and having get togethers where we exchange views and advices on parenting, buying the best gifts or presents for their birthdays together...the works...

And it was a plain weekend...A normal and typical Sunday though it was a Merdeka holiday. I had just completed the normal routine of house chores and was taking a breather, when an SMS came in and read that she was in labor...a series of sms followed giving me the updates and immediately I wished that I was there too to give her the support that she very well deserves.Alas, baby Dhiren was born after a c-section....our very own merdeka baby. Weighing in at 4.10 kg....that is one big baby....

Pat sweetie,
I am so proud of you. Though you had to go through the C-section no matter how hard you fought to avoid it...it is ok...the point is to receive the baby safely and also ensuring your well being. There will be ups an
d downs and what I call rough patches to go through, but believe me they are all so worth it. There will be sacrifices to be made but believe me it is for the good of your child. You may lose rest and be exhausted all year round and again but we'll do it anyway for the sake of our child. You will get excited waiting for all the spurts and the new and exciting stuff he will learn and able to do. You will get excited giving up your needs just so he can have the best of everything. You will need to leave him behind one day cause you are unable to avoid and spend that whole time away thinking of him. Just a minute and you will find yourself missing him already. You will wish that you did not have to contribute to the household because you'd rather watch and see him grow right before your very eyes. You will understand what our parents went through taking care of us growing up and the hurdle that they have to cross just so we can have what seemed like a perfect life. This will make you appreciate them more. It is going to be a fun yet exhausting roller coster ride and I am here to share with you every single day of it. I am always here for you loyal and supportive. Always at your beck and call...


Monday, August 18, 2008

***A love letter to my sayang***

Dear Sayang,

I love you. I know I tell you every day (sometimes it must seem like every five minutes), but every time I say it I mean the words with all of my heart.

Things haven’t exactly been easy for us. Frustrations have been the name of the game lately, but like we’ve made it through before, I know we can keep making it through. I know we can get everything we want out of life. It might take a while, but we can do it. I can never truly express how much it means to me that you’ve been taking care of me and Daanya like you have. Together we are not always the easiest person to have around, and yet you think more of us than yourself.

Over the last few months I see that you have sacrificed so much for your favorite girls so that we can have the best that life can offer us even if it means to sacrifice your own needs. We thank you and we definitely appreciate all that strive to give. As the years go by, I stop and think about all the memories we've made, the good times we've shared and the love between us that keeps growing. You are not only my husband, but my best friend and soul mate. You are a blessing from above - one that I do not take for granted. You are a wonderful father to our little princess, a wonderful provider and caregiver.

I notice, and I love you for it. I always will.

Come what may, love.

Love always,

Sayang

***nesting???***

Our home is slowly coming into place. I finally get to put some of my own touches into it and am now satisfied that it looks up to my standards...hahahhaha do I sound "bitchy?" Anyway, after a year into our home we never really got around to unpacking and settling in...with Daanya so little then, we just closed one eye. Now that she is a bit older and we feel that it is important for her to settle in a nice home, we finally had enough to get some stuff and decorate the house a bit...the last weekend was an exhausting one for mummy and daddy. But all so worth it and satisfying. It looks now more like a house that is conducive for babies to grow up in...and now looks more like a house a young married couple can settle down in...just a few finishing touches plus the spare rooms to make up...then we are finally settled in...

will post pics soon......

Friday, July 25, 2008

***A clean slate***

I am excited to report that now I commence a new beginning in the subject of my career. Though I love being an academician...I love dealing with the antics of the students under my wings and guiding them treating them more like my younger brothers and sisters, watching them acquire the greater good of knowledge is just a feeling and experience that no one can give you...I remember why I wanted to be the educator that I was...and it was because this is the most noble career that I know of. I don't care what others thought of me...and I simply cannot believe how people undermine us teachers...you cannot believe the remarks some people throw at me when I tell them that I am a lecturer...some of these "makciks" would just respond "Wah senangla kerja mengajar aje" (Wah, teaching is so easy") "tak ada la pressure sangat mengajar ni" (No pressure comes with the job), "tak letih la mengajar, banyak masa free" (Flexible hours therefore you don't get tired from working)...There were times when I would say "Screw you!" I hate it when they think that teaching is the easiest job in the world and to some, they even think that teaching is just for those who cannot accept pressures.....Yes, the hours are flexible..but there are pressures believe me!alot of frustration especially when there are students who don't get what you are trying to convey, those that are simply ignorant to you demands, those who thinks that they are all that like their mummies and daddies own the joint....so many kinds of presonalities and behavior...that is just in the classroom...in the office..so many administrative work to abide to..so many demands to fulfill.

However, sometimes you feel that you need a new challenge. A new drive. A whole new experience and a whole new league. I just came to a point where I was no longer motivated that everything just seemed so "normal" to me. Everything just was not right anymore, I hated to go to work when going to work used to be fun for me because my colleagues were all happy go lucky and our superior was always fighting for us...now it all seemed to be going down in the slumps. Everything now is so rigid, so "don't bend the rules"...consequently the faculty is so quiet and somber. Our new superior hesitate to fight for us and our rights...everybody is encouraged to fill their own performance measures...people started to get competitive, we have leaders bumping heads and leaders thinking that they can get away with murder......It all resulted to me hating being one of the little people...

But God is the Almighty. He had opened opportunities for me before now and then..but I never thought that He would now..especially due to reasons that I am ashamed to disclose. I seem to have it all and for Him to give me this at a time when I really don't deserve it....Time and again He reminds me of His presence and InsyaAllah there have not been a moment that I forget of Him though I am not perfect, I will strive my hardest to fulfill all that He asks...

Now, I am content in a whole new path career wise. I am now running the International Relations department with a whole new position and reporting straight to "man" himself..our President and CEO. This a whole new feeling being in operations. And so far I am adjusting just fine...at least I think so. We'll see from time to time how things go. I pray for only the best as not just anybody gets to be in the President's office so I definitely don't want to waste this opportunity.


Friday, May 16, 2008

***To each their Own***

William Blake once wrote; "There are things that are known and thing that are unknown, and in between, there are doors.


So many things feels unsettled lately. And this post is so overdue. I had to face my inner demons and deal with this uneasiness in my mind and sort out all these balls in the air...I somehow was pulled into this dark place and it was so hard to get out from. Something in my life is amiss. There is something missing. I've always been on top of the game and always know what I want for myself and my life. And lately I feel it all crashing down on me.

I feel like I really don't have it all together. And I keep looking and thinking back of the things that led up to all of these and I cannot help but blame myself for it. I traced back all the decisions and choices, all the path that led me up to this point and wondered why am I here in this place? What is my purpose? Am I being a good person, a good mother, a good wife? Worse of all, I even thought of whether I was supposed to be a wife or even a mother? I feel that there is supposed to be more that I am to achieve..there has to be something more to this life. I feel as though my life lacks the excitement it deserves...I feel that I worked so hard and now whattt??

It feels as though my life has been going through a downward spiral and I don't know when this dark cloud is going to blow over.Call me selfish, I don't care...in reality this is what I am feeling and it is haunting me. I want so much and feels that everything is so limited.

I have my own little family but I feel sad that my daughter is not being brought up the way I want her to. She spends most of her time in a sanctuary of love as I would call it where everything that she does is ok..its tolerable..where people shower her with all that she desires and could even walk away with murder. I know I know she's only 1. and call me dramatic. but if this keeps up we maybe raising a girl that would think her parents are mr. and mrs. bad guys. and every time disciplining takes place she would run to her grandparents and all 3 sets of them. I hate the fact that she is not growing up in the comforts of her own home and sad that whenever we return from the rat race she's not there to welcome us...I don't know how long we can keep this up and yes, little Daanya is attached still to her mummy but I can see her character enveloping and I get dissapointed every time she would slam her body on the floor when she does not get what she wants and cry to get her way. And I hate it that everytime she does that and when mummy and daddy were trying to enforce boundaries, she gets swooped by her lifesavers. Frustrating! It is so frustrating that she is never home long enough during the weekends just so that mummy and daddy can keep up with our chores...yes, there is ironing, cleaning and washing to be done too.......***sigh*** I don't know how long we can keep up with this arrangement.

On top from all of that I feel a downward spiral on my career too. Not that I am not doing well at work...I just don't feel the challenge and excitement for it anymore. I got into my career of choice because it is noble. Now, with the change in direction of the organization, I just lost the motivation and the drive. Maybe going into this was a mistake from the start. Maybe I started in this line too young..I don't know..but somehow I know that this is no longer for me. I do get all excited to be in front of my students and anticipate classes but the reality is that it is hard to feel relevant anymore with a different direction. I need a new challenge. I know that I am built to be significant and liaise, meet and socialize..Lately it has just been too depressing at work.

I feel that whatever significant in my life is taking a detour. I feel so detached from things. Feels like I don't have control on all the outcomes. On top from all of that I still feel like there is a big void. I don't think I know who I am anymore. I wake up every morning losing my sense of purpose, my sense of direction. I need to find my pillar, my foundation. But everytime I do I tend to lose it instantaneously. Why is that? I need to go back and search for my faith and this time I hope to hold on to it. I need some soul and self searching. I need to feel happy again and I need to find myself again. I need to feel alive again. Need to be happy again. Is this depression? I cannot explain this dark cloud hovering over me. I am not expecting a life with me as the protagonist. But I need a life that makes me feel whole and connected. I guess every girl in the process of growing up has all these fantasies and envision her version of the perfect life and I guess mine did not really turn out the way I pictured it. I think realising that I now know that I can do something about it. Maybe finally I can hang pictures on the walls of our home. Hopefully I can come out of this whole.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

***Uncle Joe's moment of fame***

My little brother made his debut in TV commercials. He was chosen as the main talent for both brylcreem and digi... I have yet to catch the Brylcreem one but saw the Digi commercial...feels weird seeing your flesh n blood on TV...hehehhe...anyways...I've included here the Digi commercial (the english version)....

Joe, I cannot help but be proud...heheheh no wonder you were tanned during Daanya's party.


Sunday, April 06, 2008

***Turning 1 and every thing nice***



Alhamdulillah, syukur...DAANYA AYEESHA IS NOW 1...which also means to say that mummy is also a year older...boo hoo :( I simply cannot even begin to comprehend how fast time flies and how grown she has become. I kind of have been dreading the days to her birthday...I think it is mostly because I am in denial. I want her to stay helpless as she were the few months after she presented herself to the world. I want her to cry for me and needing me regardless whether it is for feeding or comfort. I want to remember her as tiny as she was before, not being able to navigate herself anywhere...always craving for some attention...I loved it when aimlessly and the silliest we have ever been, we would try to make her laugh back then and always always she would give us a smile or laugh in return...I also loved it when we would change her diaper and she would not squirm or be cranky...***sigh*** I so wish that I can have those moments back...she basically has a mind of her own now...she gets cranky and moody when she wants to be, she can be clingy, loving and manja when she wants to be...she would play with her toys on her own and get very territorial probably because we are invading her "me" time...hehehehe...now she naps and sleeps whenever she feels like it...hoo boy there can never be telling her what to do...she only wants to eat when she wants to..everytime we hear a "mamam" means she is ready for her rice cereal or porridge or whatever...queen bee i tell you....she practically runs the show around the house...

I guess it is the same for anyone especially mommies out there to just let go...I harp on things of the past not because I do not want her to grow and progress but probably because everything is just going by too fast and it
is difficult to keep up with her. Call me overprotective but it feels as though my sweetheart will soon not want her mummy around anymore...:( now I know why our mothers were always on our backs...***sigh***

Anyway, don't want to be a cry baby about her turning 1...guess one would just have to deal with it and see the other side of the perspective. In turn I will try to be the very best that I can be for her and would always be there for her for all her ups and downs, Insya Allah.

Ok, back to the topic at hand...queen bee's birthday..hahhahaha...months of planning were put into throwing her first birthday party. Juggled a lot of issues pertaining to how we would celebrate her very first birthday...should the party be small with just family members, or should we add best friends to the list and also not forgetting acquaintances...should it be at our place or our parents'?, what food to serve, and many many more...basically we wanted it to be special - a day to remember - a day where we can look back and tell her all about it...so the guest list included people that played a role in bringing her to the world...people that we connected to in more way than one the past year, people that knew her and people that we wanted her to know...so of course that included family and some of our dearest dearest friends. All of them turned up and am so grateful that they did to celebrate with us. There were some who could not make it, we had you in spirit..most of all my bestie, Patricia who left for Melbourne to follow her hubby for a whole year...though I really wanted you to be there...but I understand and thank you so much for your support all the years and especially the past 2 years, while I was pregnant and after..I know it was hard for you but never doubt that you were always and will always be one of the greatest support system for me and hopefully for Daanya as well and vice versa..especially now that you are expecting...I hope that our children will also remain close....***crossing fingers*** . To those who made it...thank you thank you so much for making your presence so that we would be able to let her know that these people matters to us...Aunty Nurul (aka Wo), Aunty Izzy, Aunty Lynn and Uncle Pak Shah, Papa Karim, Uncle Beads, Aunty Tina (aka Sam) and Uncle Pyan, Aunty Rynn and Uncle Nik, Aunty Nina and Uncle Hafiz,Aunty Aimi, Aunty Eryl, Uncle Ji, Uncle Efny, Uncle Arab,Aunty Zai and Uncle Andi...thank you so much for your support. Not forgetting the little ones that came, Abang Gibran, Abang Adam...hehhehe hope that they will be mates growing up.

Acknowledgments are in order for family members who contributed to the party...Atuk K (for the contribution to Daanya's savings...hehhehehe rest assured it is being invested in hopes for hefty returns and also her birthday dress, though later she had to change cause she spilled bubble foam all over it!!!) Opah (aka Hazmy's mom for the laksa and also the contribution to Daanya's savings...hehhehehe), Nenek (my mom - for whatever else food that was on the food table, thank you so much, I couldn't have handled it all, honestly!), Aunty Manja, Uncle Adik, Uncle Joe for the wonderful but too expensive presents...aunty manja..thanks for the help in decorations...Aunty Lynn (hazmy's sis) - thanks for making sure that everything was in order and mainly for taking care of Daanya in preparation of the day of the party...thank you for making sure that she takes a nap before the party so that she won't get cranky...Atuk Jo (hazmy's mom's husband) for your share in her present...

Ok not to digress, much thought were put into the party. All of us woke up early that morning to put the decorations in place. Alot of running and rushing around. Perspiring all of the time. Lucky we had set the time of the party at 3...12 o'clock would've been a lost cause for us.Daanya was probably wondering what is all the fuss about...she was so active the whole morning probably wanting to lend a hand. Especially in bursting all of the balloons :p. The tables and chairs came days before and I got those Disney table cloth to place on top of the table covers given by the contractor. I thought it was a good touch...Easy and reusable. Then came the balloons..helium ones (so that children could bring them home with them) as well as the decorative ones that I had pre-ordered. Also got the Elmo Airwalker to commemorate Daanya's love for the character. Then the main course...the lamb...it was perfect and such a big hit with our guests...Alhamdulillah, money well spent!

I had ordered an Elmo birthday cake for Daanya and Izyan (Jo's gf) had also ordered pretty mini cupcakes for Daanya and had blown candles for both. Blowing the candles on her birthday cake with her was one moment I don't think I will ever forget...

All in all, I thought that it was a success.Something to remember and keep in our memoirs and hopefully when she is old enough to understand, I could tell her all about it.

Daanya,
I want you to know that mummy loves you very much. You are my heart and soul. The pride of my life. One look at you and my troubles melt away. The stresses that I face each day means nothing compared to the time that I spend with you. Mummy is so proud of you and promise you the world to the best of my abilities. I want you to acknowledge that I am only human and there will be times when you will feel the consequences of mummy's and daddy's bad decisions but let me assure you that we will be the strongest people for you to lean against and can alway turn to us for anything and everything. I love you sayang. Mummy's baby girl.


Friday, March 21, 2008

***Parting is such sorrow***

This is a tribute to one of my dear students, Wanda Cipta Prawira. I was shocked to hear of your passing and felt confused why you had to leave us so fast and on such short notice and why had our creator laid out such short path for you. You possess so much potential and I felt so much awaits you in the future and to be taken away in such a manner...Then I thought who am I to question all these...He probably had a bigger plan for you.He definitely loved you more.

Wanda, I had such an experience educating you especially when you showed so much interest. Thank you for giving me a guide of Bandung and sharing with me the ropes when I was there. Till this day, it is still hard for me to accept you being gone. You are definitely one out of many that I will remember. Thank you so much for your presence and thank you for allowing me to offer you advice on your hardships being here in Malaysia. Bandung will never be the same again as it will remind me of you....

***Al-Fatihah***

Thursday, January 03, 2008

***2007 - A reflection & Hola 2008***

"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.'"

Oh my...2007 came and went so quickly that I personally thought I barely exhaled the whole year...There were many many memorable moments and also equally moments that I regretted and really wished didn't happen. hmmm why do I get a feeling that this I am going to go sentimental on this post?

Anyhooo, 2007 marked the 2nd year of our marriage. We definitely faced our fair share of trials and tribulations...and am very proud to say that we are still hanging strong.Of course that there are times when we are faced with so much difficulties, so many downs...I am glad that he is so committed to me and the marriage and know that this is a constant work in progress. I admit that I can be difficult and complicated but often times I love it when you meet me in the middle and understand my convictions and principles.

Delivered Daanya Ayeesha bt Hazmy Hazeman on the 23rd of March 2007. The date that marked 11 years of relationship with Hazmy. Wow, that feels like a gazillion years now...I remember it all too well..how it all started, how we met and what we went through as teens and that transition to adulthood and now, parenthood...Daanya is the perfect embodiment that marks those victorious
years that her daddy and mummy stayed loyal and true to each other to this very day...Giving birth to her and enduring those 14 hours of labor have been such a triumph for me in 2007. It was such a wonderful and beautiful experience and looking at her now makes me so proud that she too had battled it out with me that day of March 23rd. My love for her was so immediate and her existence was so anticipated and expected, right on target...God, I just love her so unconditionally.

I experienced having the baby blues for a while after Daanya came. Felt like a total failure most of the time and really thought that I was not up to it..not good enough to take care of her and be a good mum to her that I can never provide enough for her. That she deserved better. There were many interferences at that point during my confinement period (of which I'd rather not repeat). I prayed and prayed that I don't fall into postpartum depression and let whatever I was going through
be hormonal knowing that at that point those hormones were probably all over the place. Glad I went through that and learned that for everything I was not good at was only a lesson for me to get better and be a better caretaker for my baby. Our marriage was also tested then and had almost given up all hope and had pictured going through life just Daanya and I.But thank Allah, I did not act so irrationally. Hazmy, the man I fell in love with came through at the end bearing all the qualities and character that I thought was gone and they surfaced just in time for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.Really did not know whether I can do it alone really...but you know lar we tend to overreact sometimes but deep inside I kind of knew that what I decided then was not an overreaction...it was kinda dead set....but now that I reflect back... what marriage is without good and bad, downs and ups,calm and mayhem..

Things pretty much went uphill for me after that...my obgyn found an ovarian cyst during my 5th
month pregnancy and as long as the cyst was not proving as an obstruction to the pregnancy, we can just monitor it. Daanya came, went through 44 days of confinement, moved back into our apartment waiting to complete the 60 days maternity leave and then it happened, one morning, had severe lower tummy ache and couldn't walk as it was too painful. Obgyn said "your cyst has twisted and we need to remove it today" cried and cried the whole day that day...worried that I might not be around for Daanya should I don't wake up...horrific, I know just at the thought but that was the reality of it...."what happens if????" kept on replaying in my head like a broken dvd player (haha?).They found another cyst during surgery on my other ovary and removed that as well...saw the pics and the first thing i thought.."OMG"!!it's hugeeeeeeee!!!went through that...secured myself another 40 days leave.....wahhhhh...but at a sacrifice...cannot carry baby D at all until 3 months.Back to my parents we went...So basically I went through 2 confinements in 2007 and that actually took alot from me having being unproductive for almost half the year though some may say that it is good that you have that time to recuperate. Having not being able to carry Daanya basically made me lost it la...I was afraid she could not recognize or remember me.....went into a mild depression especially when Hazmy was not there most of the time...slept alone most of the nights because first, Daanya slept with my parents and second, we were in the midst of moving into our very own place finally and he had to basically moved our stuffs by himself...

One of the perks of 2007 was moving into our new home..it may not be much, sometimes I thought not even up to par with my standards (I am being honest here, so go with me, without judging!)but
at what we were earning, we were lucky to be able to even purchase it and call it our own at our age...it's a bit small but actually big enough for just the 3 of us. It was not a newly built house or anything...bought it over from the previous owner at a price below market cause the owner was desperate to sell so that they can move into a bigger home as they had just added into their family a new baby. Nice people. No fuss..Lucky for us actually, we need not spend on fixtures but basically need to spend on repairs and what not...but that's ok for a beginning don't you think. Basically now at the time this post is written, we are finally looking into getting some work done to the house and improving it aesthetically. So slowly lar...bit by bit...as of now, things are still pretty much in boxes...until I get my muse working again and see how I can decorate the place and make it livable and nicer and guests-friendly...hehehehe.

Things were pretty much the same at work...only that I have that nagging feeling that I want to be home taking care of Daanya instead. A norm to a new mummy I bet. So most of times w
hen I have nothing important other than classes, I would just head to the carpark and go home..hehhehe (perks of being an educator!) I was able to be there for her whenever she was sick and took care of her during those times when she was diagnosed with bronchiolitis.Alhamdulillah, she has not had anymore symptoms after that one attack...and it's been 3 months now, Insyaallah...saw every little development and milestones that she went through...everything was rather fast for her..she turned over at 3 months, crawled at 5 months, stood up at 6 months and now waiting for her to take her first step..So as you can see, she doesn't give us very much space to enjoy her developments and I personally think that she is on a mission to keep us on our toes!!!Not much time for relaxing only when she's sleeping. ***sigh***

Had a birthday recently and celebrated our 2nd year of marriage with the presence of the essence of our lives now, Daanya Ayeesha....got a number of memorable, never-to-forget birthday presents from the people I love and as closure to the year that was 2007, a year that holds many many unforgettable memories - an equal balance of highs and lows. I am still standing firm here and moving on from mistakes and picking up from lessons learned. A year that thought me
so much to be an adult, to make mistakes as an adult and to make decisions like an adult. Finally it hit me that I have a little one to consider and would want to offer her the world at least my world as imperfect as it can be though I do try my best to make it flawless. Quite proud that I persevered the lows of 2007 and thought that it brought color and made me a stronger person, most definitely.

Bring on 2008! In mind, nothing I would go through after this can challenge my 2007 but I do hope that 2008 will shape me into a better, stronger person, wife and mother. I pray untuk dimurahkan rezeki and success career wise (even if it means a career change!). I want to put so many things behind me and I see 2008 as a jump-start to what lies ahead of me. Last year, I battled alot of personal challenges, this year I want to rise from all that complexities and find my way back to the path that was planned for me. Insya Allah. Other than that, I just want to concentrate on watching Daanya grow (she is turning 1 this year!)..cannot afford to blink cause I may miss something...and most of all be happy and content with the life that I have chosen and the lives I am responsible for.Insya Allah.