Friday, September 08, 2006



"William Shakespeare wrote; 'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Love alters not with time’s brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.'"

Who would've thought!!! We are pregnant!!! All the years of harassing other people's babies, we are finally getting our own little bundle of joy, insya allah. It was all too overwhelming. I went through the whole ride of emotions there could be possible...I was happy, scared, euphoric,ecstatic, crazy, angry, nervous, worried, dissapointed???, jealous...all that you can possibly name. It seems that my life has only been that way ever since counting down to the moment of marriage. After it all sank in, I was indeed intoxicated with the whole concept. Hazmy was delirious. WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS!!! Now, I have 5 months to go till I with God's grace bring this baby out to its reality. Roughly, things around the house (oh, did I mentioned we moved???...) are so much different. I am being pampered by my loving hubby till no end and I cannot help but feel blessed that he has not acted up....O:-)

I have heard so many tales about being pregnant. So many do's and don'ts as well as superstitions. One's first endeavour down this path could easily get confused and I have to admit scared of doing things wrongly seeming that now the responsibility has kicked in for the little one. I swear that half the time I don't even know what I am doing. I am just taking it day by day. The other half of me just cannot wait to cradle the little one in my arms and love it and kiss it to death!!hahahhaa. And then there is also that fear of giving birth. People telling my myriad of stories to how unbearingly painful the experience was for them, some even told me that labor was very quick and painless....*re-accounting those moments* hmmm why did I choose to do this again???

I have to take this opportunity to thank my mama....She has been so so there for me. She worries and keep on giving her wonderful touches eversince the pregnancy. I have to confess though, I still think that she is still in denial over the whole " I am going to be a grandma!!" matter. I have decided that my child is going to call my parents "Grandma" and Grandpa" instead of this new trend of calling young grans "nenny". My dad too has been surprisingly involved telling me to eat good and healthy and drinking up soya bean whenever I can. Sometimes , I do pity them in the sense that I sometimes thought that they were still too young and vibrant to be put into this calamity.Hahahhahaha padan muka!!!

There also tales on how some pregnant women dealt with alot of crap from their husbands. There are cases in which their husbands feels that their wives are at their ugliest when pregnant. Some choose to have affairs. Imagine the trauma pregnant women have to go through. Not enough that they have to endure all the prognostics of being preggie, they too have to deal with all the bullcrap from their life partner. I do pray that I would not have to go through the calvary. Please understand hubbies out there that we preggie women whether we like it or not go through all these emotional crescendo sometimes for the most stolid reasons. We can laugh and cry just in a heartbeat. And I do think that it is during these times that conflicts we go through are taken to heart. So if you could just bear with us, understand the concept of pregnancy and what we have to go through to give you heir, maybe then you could put yourselves in our shoes.

That was me in my vengeful aura. Heehehehhe told you we go through this crescendo. Hey, I can't help being preggie.

Lastly, I cannot wait to know should this baby be a girl or a boy. I have a couple of beautiful names lined up for choosing. Mostly I cannot wait to purchase all knick knacks for the little one. On top of that, I cannot most definitely wait to share the baby with my support best friends, Pat, Ida and Nurul. You guys will be a big part of my baby's life and I hope you know it. Nurul, you I depend for my child's psychological health...hahhahaha aside from you pampering it to death lar of course. Ida, you I depend on to put laughter into his/her world. Pat, aside from being my baby's medical reference (hahahha), I do hope that my baby would find dependency in you.

Now, let's wait and see whether this baby will be a Danial or Daniaa shall we?

Saturday, March 18, 2006

***Wedding Daze part II - With these ring I thee wed....***

Robert Louis Stevenson wrote: 'you can not run away from weakness; you must fight it out... or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?

It has been about 3 months since my last post. Woof and phew!!! Everything had been a big blur - a composition of a series of emotional panic attacks all rolled into one, stress, laughters, sorrows, bitterness, anger, dissapointment, happiness, bliss....again let me let out my sigh of relieve *sigh*..

It is now finally over!!! The wedding, the seal of marriage vows and commitment to each other all declared. I am finally MRS. HAZMY HAZEMAN.I packaged within me a blender of feelings and emotions mixed and meshed to become an exterior of a person that I hardly knew anymore. I could not find myself especially three four days counting down to the event. I did not know what I wanted for myself, I lost path and felt I detoured from the trails on which I mapped my destiny. I was a total mess...There came a point where I swore my spirit and life just morphed out of my cadaver and all that was left was actually lifeless, weak remains. Hmmm was I commitment phobic and only now realising ??? There was no turning back this moment forth.

31st December 2005 ,1st January 2006, 7th January 2006, the days came, and left...I cannot believe it!!!I have never been so scared and happy at the same time...In fact, looking back I was happy and all was like a dream come true. I married my best friend and the love of my life, what more can I ask for???I had my dream wedding and receptions, all I ever could need...everything was complete.Hazmy could never be any more supportive than he already has. He was there and so that decision to walk the isle has been clear cut to it is what he wants and what he had aimed for. Do not take me wrongly, I do love him but what if what you planned is not what you obtain??? He had that look...a look that says "She's the ONE!!!" Damn!!! then why am I the one who was not clear on my decisions...I have always been so decisive...I came up with so many theories and hypothesis and came to the conclusion to just hack it!!!hahahha...hack all these worries, fear and insecurities...let's just play it by ear...somehow I knew I was in good hands...his hands...and I know I would not want any other...We are going to cross hurdles for sure but I'd rather it be with him...and all I need is his emotional support...for him to understand my idiosyncrasies and JUST BE THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEED HIM MOST regardless.

All in all, it was an out-of-the-body experience for me and I assured myself that I simply do not want to go through that again...let him be the first and the last...Sayang, thank you for such a wonderful wedding...people said I looked so happy...hahhaha yeah right!!!I guess you walking me through that all makes it all worthwhile for me and I am happy...I wish you sayang, congratulations on the wedding and I promise you that I may not always be the perfect wife and I promise you that there will be times where I exaggerate and blow things out of proportion...but please understand that I have only our best interest at heart...we have big responsibilities now and I promise to keep my share if you keep yours...I love you...cannot wait for this new life to begin...