Thursday, January 03, 2008

***2007 - A reflection & Hola 2008***

"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.'"

Oh my...2007 came and went so quickly that I personally thought I barely exhaled the whole year...There were many many memorable moments and also equally moments that I regretted and really wished didn't happen. hmmm why do I get a feeling that this I am going to go sentimental on this post?

Anyhooo, 2007 marked the 2nd year of our marriage. We definitely faced our fair share of trials and tribulations...and am very proud to say that we are still hanging strong.Of course that there are times when we are faced with so much difficulties, so many downs...I am glad that he is so committed to me and the marriage and know that this is a constant work in progress. I admit that I can be difficult and complicated but often times I love it when you meet me in the middle and understand my convictions and principles.

Delivered Daanya Ayeesha bt Hazmy Hazeman on the 23rd of March 2007. The date that marked 11 years of relationship with Hazmy. Wow, that feels like a gazillion years now...I remember it all too it all started, how we met and what we went through as teens and that transition to adulthood and now, parenthood...Daanya is the perfect embodiment that marks those victorious
years that her daddy and mummy stayed loyal and true to each other to this very day...Giving birth to her and enduring those 14 hours of labor have been such a triumph for me in 2007. It was such a wonderful and beautiful experience and looking at her now makes me so proud that she too had battled it out with me that day of March 23rd. My love for her was so immediate and her existence was so anticipated and expected, right on target...God, I just love her so unconditionally.

I experienced having the baby blues for a while after Daanya came. Felt like a total failure most of the time and really thought that I was not up to it..not good enough to take care of her and be a good mum to her that I can never provide enough for her. That she deserved better. There were many interferences at that point during my confinement period (of which I'd rather not repeat). I prayed and prayed that I don't fall into postpartum depression and let whatever I was going through
be hormonal knowing that at that point those hormones were probably all over the place. Glad I went through that and learned that for everything I was not good at was only a lesson for me to get better and be a better caretaker for my baby. Our marriage was also tested then and had almost given up all hope and had pictured going through life just Daanya and I.But thank Allah, I did not act so irrationally. Hazmy, the man I fell in love with came through at the end bearing all the qualities and character that I thought was gone and they surfaced just in time for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.Really did not know whether I can do it alone really...but you know lar we tend to overreact sometimes but deep inside I kind of knew that what I decided then was not an was kinda dead set....but now that I reflect back... what marriage is without good and bad, downs and ups,calm and mayhem..

Things pretty much went uphill for me after obgyn found an ovarian cyst during my 5th
month pregnancy and as long as the cyst was not proving as an obstruction to the pregnancy, we can just monitor it. Daanya came, went through 44 days of confinement, moved back into our apartment waiting to complete the 60 days maternity leave and then it happened, one morning, had severe lower tummy ache and couldn't walk as it was too painful. Obgyn said "your cyst has twisted and we need to remove it today" cried and cried the whole day that day...worried that I might not be around for Daanya should I don't wake up...horrific, I know just at the thought but that was the reality of it...."what happens if????" kept on replaying in my head like a broken dvd player (haha?).They found another cyst during surgery on my other ovary and removed that as well...saw the pics and the first thing i thought.."OMG"!!it's hugeeeeeeee!!!went through that...secured myself another 40 days leave.....wahhhhh...but at a sacrifice...cannot carry baby D at all until 3 months.Back to my parents we went...So basically I went through 2 confinements in 2007 and that actually took alot from me having being unproductive for almost half the year though some may say that it is good that you have that time to recuperate. Having not being able to carry Daanya basically made me lost it la...I was afraid she could not recognize or remember me.....went into a mild depression especially when Hazmy was not there most of the time...slept alone most of the nights because first, Daanya slept with my parents and second, we were in the midst of moving into our very own place finally and he had to basically moved our stuffs by himself...

One of the perks of 2007 was moving into our new may not be much, sometimes I thought not even up to par with my standards (I am being honest here, so go with me, without judging!)but
at what we were earning, we were lucky to be able to even purchase it and call it our own at our's a bit small but actually big enough for just the 3 of us. It was not a newly built house or anything...bought it over from the previous owner at a price below market cause the owner was desperate to sell so that they can move into a bigger home as they had just added into their family a new baby. Nice people. No fuss..Lucky for us actually, we need not spend on fixtures but basically need to spend on repairs and what not...but that's ok for a beginning don't you think. Basically now at the time this post is written, we are finally looking into getting some work done to the house and improving it aesthetically. So slowly lar...bit by of now, things are still pretty much in boxes...until I get my muse working again and see how I can decorate the place and make it livable and nicer and guests-friendly...hehehehe.

Things were pretty much the same at work...only that I have that nagging feeling that I want to be home taking care of Daanya instead. A norm to a new mummy I bet. So most of times w
hen I have nothing important other than classes, I would just head to the carpark and go home..hehhehe (perks of being an educator!) I was able to be there for her whenever she was sick and took care of her during those times when she was diagnosed with bronchiolitis.Alhamdulillah, she has not had anymore symptoms after that one attack...and it's been 3 months now, Insyaallah...saw every little development and milestones that she went through...everything was rather fast for her..she turned over at 3 months, crawled at 5 months, stood up at 6 months and now waiting for her to take her first step..So as you can see, she doesn't give us very much space to enjoy her developments and I personally think that she is on a mission to keep us on our toes!!!Not much time for relaxing only when she's sleeping. ***sigh***

Had a birthday recently and celebrated our 2nd year of marriage with the presence of the essence of our lives now, Daanya a number of memorable, never-to-forget birthday presents from the people I love and as closure to the year that was 2007, a year that holds many many unforgettable memories - an equal balance of highs and lows. I am still standing firm here and moving on from mistakes and picking up from lessons learned. A year that thought me
so much to be an adult, to make mistakes as an adult and to make decisions like an adult. Finally it hit me that I have a little one to consider and would want to offer her the world at least my world as imperfect as it can be though I do try my best to make it flawless. Quite proud that I persevered the lows of 2007 and thought that it brought color and made me a stronger person, most definitely.

Bring on 2008! In mind, nothing I would go through after this can challenge my 2007 but I do hope that 2008 will shape me into a better, stronger person, wife and mother. I pray untuk dimurahkan rezeki and success career wise (even if it means a career change!). I want to put so many things behind me and I see 2008 as a jump-start to what lies ahead of me. Last year, I battled alot of personal challenges, this year I want to rise from all that complexities and find my way back to the path that was planned for me. Insya Allah. Other than that, I just want to concentrate on watching Daanya grow (she is turning 1 this year!)..cannot afford to blink cause I may miss something...and most of all be happy and content with the life that I have chosen and the lives I am responsible for.Insya Allah.

***Turning 28 and 2nd year Wedding Anniversary***

I celebrated my birthday last December 31st. It was a very much anticipated and a quiet one. This year I get to commemorate my 28th birthday with my daughter, 9 month old Daanya Ayeesha. So this year it is a bit special and different. I took the day off so that I can spend the day with her and though it was a tiring one (cause she's more active these days and a bit tougher to handle..), I was totally satisfied. We took her to Ikano and The Curve to look for her daddy's anniversary present.

Hazmy has always wanted crocs slippers..and so, I got him his first Crocs. Kesian dia, I bought him flip flops before and now the poor dear would almost slip everytime walking on a slippery/watery surface because the slippers just does not have any grip anymore. So, I was pretty satisfied with my purchase plus it came in a nice Christmas edition paper bag. I did look to see whether they have sizes as small for Daanya but they don't so Daanya will just have to grow faster, so that mummy can get one ya darling?

Me? well, I was blardy shocked when my sis got me my first crocs, together with the clip-on accessories, a nice knee-length quillot (I don't know what you call them but apparently now they are in fashion) and also some nice bangles. This girl I tell you...though I loved her presents and the fact that she really wanted to give me something special but I was so strong with the fact that she should not have spent so much money on me and she should have just saved her money just in case she needs it later. But on the other hand, I did not want to squash her excitement so I just told her not to be too extravagant next time. However, I still love my new crocs....;P

One of my support system aka bestie, Nurul gave me the perfect gift to start my 2008, good enough to motivate me into fulfilling one of my new year's resolution hehehe...a gym ball and a set of weights...yahooooo...sweetie, you are just too much..taktik kotor for calling Manja up and korek rahsia!!!!Anyhooo...I love your present and I still owe you yours since we have not had our meet up...when when???? miss you!!!

Another bestie, sweet Patricia, she gave me a nice black n white dress...i love it so with one of my new years' resolution I will vow to use Nurul's present in order to look good in Pat's present...hehhehehhe. The fit is good sweetie, but I need to trim some of the post-baby flabs so that I can look even better in it...hhehehhehe perasan!!!

Mama and Baba took us all out to dinner..a Japanese dinner but the place that we went to practically sucked so I am not going to mention the name Mama wanted to make it up to me and suggested that we go for hi-tea at Crowne Mutiara and celebrate together with her on her birthday coming 8th Jan. So, that made me feel good...hehhehehe...another opportunity to have dinner together with the fam. I feel that ever since we had Daanya we have not done that enough..My mom has this fear that Daanya will be cranky all the way.......but so far I think her behavior when we have outings to restaurant has been manageable, Thank God!

Saving the best for last...the best birthday present is of course from my dearest Hazmy...first of all for the Solvil Titus watch...I love the fact that he sacrifices for me knowing that I love watches and at every birthday he would give me one watch...but somehow kan sayang, my heart bleeds for that TagHeuer (the one that our maid ran off with, huwaaaaaa). That Tag meant so much to me as it was your hantaran gift...hope that money would fall from the sky for me so that I can replace my lost Tag with a new one...but so far it is not happening!!huhu...but anyway, the titus from you and Daanya was so lovely, I love it...the TGIF dinner was also such a pleasant was a birthday and anniversary and new year's dinner celebration all in one...I loved the idea of Daanya celebrating with us and though it was exhausting just to keep her still in the baby chair provided, it was all good and I take it as is...I could not ask for anything different than to have my 2 favorite people on earth with me.
Lastly sayang, the effort you put in for my "other" present is something out of this world. Of course the scheming and planning with my dad and all made it possible and tangible. The present was really a fantasy come true. I wished for something more comfortable for Daanya and us as a family to travel in and the bigger boot space is such a plus!!! *hint hint*. Now finally a family car....

It was such a wonderful and eventful birthday. Celebrating it with our precious little girl made it such a bonus....everything this year was so unexpected so every little detail was like a surprise. I am so content! Happy 28th to me!hehehehhe.

p/s: will post pics soon....when the penyakit malas subsided.

***Escape from Reality***

It was good to get away from the hustle and bustle of our everyday life. December 11th-14th was so least by me...a much needed vacation definitely minus Daanya.Sad as I am about leaving her behind, we unanimously agreed that since it was our first time in Bandung and also weighing out the advices that we got from friends and family telling us that it is not a good place to bring baby and what not, Daanya had to stay. She would be in Taman Tun for the whole duration. It was such a painful thing for me leaving her behind. This was a feeling that a huge part of you will be left behind and knowing that fact you start to imagine the worst...all the what-ifs...What if the plane crashed? what if by some chance we cannot get home? what if she gets sick? what is she misses her mummy? what if her mummy misses her?so many what-ifs...The night before leaving her at my parents, I was hit with a pang of guilt for leaving her and instantly regretted the whole idea and was tempted to cancel the whole thing off...huhu :( It was a terrible night...barely slept thinking of her.

At the wee hour of the morning, 11 December, reluctantly both Hazmy and I left for LCCT. I left with the resolution that the main reason for going in the first place is to buy clothes for Daanya and I will do just that.So off to Bandung we went......half-heartedly...:(

We arrived to a military airport with a very short runway...takuttttt...suddenly I had the urge to pee..huwaaaa the horror stories I heard about their public toilet. But at that point I cannot hold it any longer!!! I left Hazmy with the filling-up documents task and it was sad that everybody had to cramp in such a small viccinity to fill up forms...berpeluh jugaklah....ok, back to the "i-have-to-pee" issue...went to the toilet and only had to berserah with the water...they only had a tub with water in which you have to use the ladle(gayung) to wash up and NO tissue!!!! huwaaaaaa...I am going to have to leave you to your imagination of what I had to do after.....huhu :(

Ok, so when all in the airport was settled, our driver was already waiting and off we went to Sukajadi hotel...on the external the hotel was very promoting...but the rooms and toilet and service was a bit on the minus side to my taste la...the first thought after looking at our room, "Nasib baik tak bawak Daanya!" but anyways, I just imagined as though we were back-packing...hahahha..let your imagination run wild!!!! heee yah!

First stop, pasar baru...I went crazy here....all the materials and kain...literally went berzerk!!!In the end, I bought 6 pasang kain, 3 of which is for me and the other 3 is for Hazmy's baju melayu Thank you mummy tedi for your kind assistance and great discounts!!!hahahhahah I spent about 800 000 rupiah here...

Next off the Merdeka factory outlet...went absolutely insane
here as well....many many choices for baby clothings and apparels and cheap...from Carter's, to mothercare, to Osh Kosh, to Guess and many many more.....spent about 500 000 rupiah here....and got soooooo many baju for Daanya.

Last stop for the day, Rumah far my favorite I did not only went insane...I lost my insanity completely ...hhahahahahhaha baby's clothes from the range Esprit, Levi's, Polo, Osh Kosh, Guess, Carter's....actually spent 1 over million rupiah here......

Heritage Factory outlet was also good...not alot of baby clothes but alot of brands like LaCoste, Polo..bought for myself some LaCoste tops and for Hazmy also a LaCoste t-shirt. Here we spent about 300 000 rupiah.

At Solutions Factory Outlet was where I got the Guess Handbag I've always eyed since I first saw it in M
alaysia (MetroJaya, The Curve). In Malaysia, the particular bag cost almost RM600, and of course we got it for RM370 after the rate conversion.Not too shabby for an original kan?
Thanks yang for forking the bill...I was really reluctant at first to get it but Hazmy lagi..hehhehe.

So on and on it went for the days to come..many many more shopping...but the five places above are my absolute favourites by far.

The last day, we went to Tangkuban Perahu.This is where the inactive volcano is.....and it was amazing just to see the smoke from the inactive volcano filling the air and surprised at how cold it actually was...vendors selling key chains and mementos were all so a point that I got really really scared. But we took some nice photos here...

Food wise, we went to some good restaurants that offered Sundanese
favorite was probably Kampung Daun especially for the ambience...we ate in huts accompanied by the presence and sound of the waterfall...beautiful! Of course my favorite will have to be the Padang food..yum yum...we went to a number of places but the one that we went to our final night was the best...but for the life of me I cannot remember the name of the restaurant. Oh well....

All and all I had great fun and satisfaction. Especially since I knew that I bought plenty of bajus for Daanya that could last her probably until she's 2. I felt so relaxed and of course what they say is true...Nothing better than retail therapy...hehhehehe..

Of course nothing is more anticipating than going home and see your baby...and when we did, that was the greatest joy, the greatest satisfaction I know what our mums must have felt when they are separated from their children...and I think from here on in...I am never going to leave her behind.......

will post pictures soon!

***Daanya @ 8 & 9 months***

This is definitely without any doubt a backdated post. I will make it a brief one and let pictures do the talking or rather blogging...

My darling Daanya's development or milestones have made me so proud. she is now able to stand on her own but lacks the confidence to do so...she is still taking 8 oz of milk and sometimes she can go on from 10-13 depending on the kind of day she had. She is now taking solids and loves the Holle organic baby food range that mommy buys for her especially pumpkin and rice (mommy stopped buying gerber eversince she found out that it is not gluten-free). Daanya loves her apple juice from Heinz to take with her food and also the occasional ribena that mommy gives (luckily enough she is not prone to go into "excessive happiness" mode every time she takes her ribena in!!!**phew**). She is now able to hold her milk bottle all on her own and chucks it everytime she is done...

Oh, and she now has 2 very sharp front teeth in which she uses mommy's fingers as her tooth sharpener...*sigh*. She has also learned some vocab..of course she cannot say them yet but she knows what they see she has these bath toys that we got her from tesco and it comes in the shapes of animals...we got her a red seal, a green frog (of which she knows as her Mr. frog), a blue dolphin and a green hippo. put this in line she is able to pick out those that we call" where's your hippo daanya?" she will turn pick up the green hippo...and so on...she somehow turned out to be a big Barney fan and gets excited when we turn the dvd on and would pay full attention when the songs from the dvd comes on. She can also do they "Allahuakbar" action like we do in our prayers (thought by the Taman Tun clan, hehehe) and would clap her hands whenever we say "clever girl!".

She has just learned the "bye-bye" action and every time she is in a car or a car drives by she would just do the "bye-bye" action. Turning 9 months, mummy can see that she is very picky to whom she chose to cling to though she clings on me the most and never let me out of her sight...just going to the loo for a split second and she would wail and cry...she loves being in the presence of her mummy and daddy and somehow behaves better when under our care. She is recognizing faces now and loves the fact that she is learning on "cause and effect" where she would do something like "slapping-daddy-on-his-face-action" and see how daddy would react and when daddy reacts a certain way, she would laugh and repeat it and laugh again....*sigh*

I feel that time passes so just 3 months she will be one...and I am already missing the days before she learned to crawl, to sit, to stand, the days when she was unable to throw her voice (you cannot imagine how big her voice is and how loud she can be now....especially if she wakes up at 6:30 in the morning and alerting the whole of bukit jelutong to wake up with her!!)those times when she would take her milk and sleep right after...I feel that they grow up too fast...and this makes me feel sad that it is going to be soon that she jumps off the car and head for school and demands mummy and daddy for allowance money..hahhahahaha....