Thursday, September 13, 2007

***Emotional Check***

"Henry David Thoreau once wrote: 'Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit and resign yourself to the influences of each.''

I was lost...I went to a deep and dark place and almost drowned in my own sorrows. I stayed in that state for a while always hoping for a breath of hope, faith and change. Felt the need to voice it in the open but was too afraid to hurt hearts of those affected. It was a very dark place...I have been blinded by its darkness and suffocating from its limited source of air...I was so worried that I could not find myself the way out. I went through my days heavily feeling like the world was against me. My self-esteem dropped probably to level -100 (if there existed levels for it lah). Everything was not working in my favor.

Alhamdulillah with GOD's will...I was able to let things out. May not be much but at least it was out in the open and involved parties now knows that this is what is boiling inside of me causing me to withdraw from my surroundings. Things looked up hopefully for the better. I see him trying now. Most of all I now feel once again the chemistry and connection that I thought was lost. Or at least almost gone. I figured that maybe if I bend a little then maybe I don't have to take things to heart. At the same time he makes his presence now more felt. His commitment, his understanding, is slowly returning.
He listens better and he is more attentive now - we communicate more and better. Yes, we do have our constraints and obstacles but at the end of the day, we have to always remember what matters most - our little family with little baby D starving for so much attention, love and how crucial it is to not deprive her away from that now. At the end of the day, whatever problems, we still definitely have to hurdle them bit by bit but it boils down to Daanya and the little tykes soon to come, our relationship and our household.

Other than that, most of everything is a little bit brighter now. I am smiling and laughing a lot more. More contented with life and marriage. Things are looking up at work....if all goes well I should expect a salary adjustment + last year's due increment (I did not get last years' increment as I was away on study leave so somehow that does not apply). Hopefully all goes well, insyaallah.

Daanya is growing so fast...I just hope I won't be left behind. I got to spend one day last off from work and took care of her all to myself....that was such a bliss! I love taking care of her....I wished I could just do so without worrying about going to work and making money. Hopefully Hazmy and I could come up with some arrangement...Alhamdulillah, murah rezeki Hazmy so far....we just jave to weigh things out...and hopefully something would present itself cause I do want to be there for Daanya...send her to school, play with her, feed her the works.....

So, to end...I am doing good so far better than the last time.


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