***In Actuality***

I have been putting off having to write updates.  Not because I have absolutely nothing to write, I have gazillion things to say...but in actual fact I felt that time was just too limited with so many things going on in our lives right about now.  To a point that things are a tad bit too overwhelming to have ourselves go through....However, I have to take it all with a grain of salt focusing on the "bigger" picture!!  This is for the best of our little family and if it takes for mummy and daddy to be tired, exhausted and broke so be it!!

I am now in my 33rd week of pregnancy...just a stones' throw away before things become even more chaotic!!hehehe.  So much anxiety at this point. Not to a state of panic just yet but slowly getting there....I have to really begin getting her stuffs soon...or else she is going to come to world without her essentials and may spark some psychological effect there..hehe...lately I have been bogged with this inner feeling of insecurity whether I will be a good mummy this 2nd time around. Whether we will provide for her with the best just like we did her elder sister (who is still reigning queen, by the way, with no sign of stepping down!!!)and also whether we or at least I will be able to love her the same like the reigning queen...All these insecurity scares me a bit...or am I over-thinking things???Honestly, the feeling just popped out of no where and as the time draws nearer, the more insecure I get...which scares me a little well a lot....I do hope this is normal...definitely will try my best to fight all negativity and know that all has been written and this "rezeki" (livelihood) has its purpose, I am sure of it...I do know that I am and have been so blessed and while He tests those He knows capable, the past 33 weeks has come and gone with its fair of challenges and definitely with progress worth waiting for...

If you are unable to guess by now, yes, it will be a girl for us again this time!!!Yeay!!! I have pictured it in my head how D and baby sis would get along, how they will be best friends and share secrets together and be inseparable, just like those shows we see on TV...oh I am so praying hard that they'll be the best of friends!!! Queen D has been throwing tantrums lately and at the same time being very "manja" or rather clingy. Other than that what shocked us while observing her character day to day is that she suddenly develops this motherly/sisterly behavior.  You see, she has this baby doll that she never cared for before who is now her "baby"...she pampers the baby, makes pretend milk for the baby, pushes her baby in the miniature stroller, consoles the baby when it cries and etc...so cute witnessing this....i guess intrinsically she is somewhat preparing herself????That would be a way to look at the positive right??Better than ignoring it all together, I suppose...hehe. Let's see how this will fair at the end....

The new abode's renovation works is almost reaching its completion.I thought it would never end and we will never get to move in before the baby's arrival.Hubby wants to begin the whole moving process soonest possible as he has tonnes of work piling up and awaiting for him this month...so the sooner we move in the better he will get to coordinate his hours at the office.  So, I anticipate a whole lot to take place within this 2 weeks and knowing the urgency I cannot let my "control freak" nature take over....hubby seems to have it all in his head....my concentration at this point would be to focus on the pregnancy and baby's arrival...though I must say that I am almost freaking out about moving into a house with no curtains, or kitchen top and sinks and taps (the kitchen people will only install these a week after the cabinet has been installed) and the thought of possibly washing D's bottles in the toilet sink?????...arrghhhh!!! I just hope that things will go according to plan......huhu....

On the career front, things has been looking up quite a bit...the department head re-structured the department putting me under the supervision of a manager and I must say, things are so much more structured now...at least my manager has paved a direction for our unit and all is such bliss cause she is so professional and understanding...

Beyond that I have also been circulating my resume...so far the prospect is quite good and pregnancy is not a hindrance apparently to be called in for interviews...so I am praying hard for something to transpire out of this...something good and prospective.

To be continued....