***Of greener pastures and moving forward***

I have been yearning to pen down my thoughts for what could have been a gazillion years if it was possible. Not a day gone by had I not thought about this space of mine, a place that could let it all out. I missed this little space of mine tremendously to the point that I feel really guilty for abandoning it too long. I hope that this streak won't be permanent...*crossing finger*

Anyhoo, let me begin with saying that life works in mysterious ways...sometimes you have so much going for you and you swear you planned every bit of your life to the core and it boils down to only executing them and when that point comes suddenly you find yourself taking a detour!...and that was exactly what happened to me!

So with that note I am proud to declare that I am now a STAY-AT-HOME mom! Turn of events transpired and we thought about it looooong and hard (of course by "we" I meant hubs and I). Of course we asked for guidance relentlessly! And Alhamdulillah and Insya Allah this option was for the better.

The truth of it all was I wasn't happy.Day in and day out totally unhappy! Yeah, you would probably say who isn't?especially when talking about work and your career...but with me work just made me want to crawl out of my skin. I hated every sense of the word! Of course I had made the best of it before and in fact had performed really well...but there s no doubt something inside of me was screaming that this is NOT FOR ME! The years before I had no choice...our finances didn't allow it and on top it all the new position prior to making this decision did have better prospects financially and in terms of progressing in my career...so imagine my predicament! But a decision had to be made and of course my priority remains that my baby daughters would always come first!so bearing that in mind, once staying home they deserve my upmost attention.

After it was official, to our surprise a number of turn of events happened that somehow assured me that this is right...we are doing fine so far...Alhamdulillah! No setbacks instead we were presented with good opportunities and prospects that Insya Allah if it is meant to be and God willing we look forward to it! I can sense that my princesses love the fact that we are now more close knit as a family. Princess D loves it that I am there for her all the time sending and fetching her to and from pre-school while Princess M has my attention 24/7 which I didn't get to give right after confinement because of the new job and long hours.

Shortly to say I have nothing but love right now...I love watching my girls grow up and develop right in front of my eyes, love that I have them with me as they are my comfort zone! Enough said ilove taking care of may family and have more important things to concentrate on. I have learned that life isn't always about what is material and the dollar sign though I must admit that they are important but nothing beats the love I am getting and the love I get to give by just diverting my focus on what matters most!I have no regrets. No doubt there are challenges and I will face obstacles but this is so fulfilling and satisfying...something I never had felt working for the man all those years!and I am still on the search for what I am passionate for, skills and talents basically things that I can be good at...but I am taking my time as I am doing what I love and passionate about so no complaints as yet...I am happy, my marriage is good, girls are fine...what more can I ask for...

***Hush Hush***

This song was played on radio today and somehow struck a chord with me and made me feel melancholy...The song felt relevant...

Hush Hush lyricsSongwriters: Larossi, J; Romdhane, A; Scherzinger, N; Wroldsen, I;

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strain
My love for you is strong enough you should have known

I never needed you for judgment
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never ask for help, I take care of myself
I don't why you think you got a hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver
So look at me and listen to me because

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you to say a single word
Hush hush, hush hush, there is no other way
I get the final say because

I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush hush, hush hush, I've already spoken
Our love is broken, baby, hush hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words, I never needed hurts
I never needed you to be there everyday

I'm sorry for the way I let go
From everything I wanted when you came along
But I am never beaten, broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong

And it's a little late for explanations
There isn't anything that you can do
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver
So you will listen when I say, baby

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you to say a single word
Hush hush, hush hush, there is no other way
I get the final say because

I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush hush, hush hush, I've already spoken
Our love is broken, baby, hush hush

No more words, no more lies
No more crying
No more pain, no more hurt
No more trying because

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you to say a single word
Hush hush, hush hush, there is no other way
I get the final say because

I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush hush, hush hush, I've already spoken
Our love is broken, baby hush hush

Hush hush, hush hush, I've already spoken
Our love is broken, baby

***Little Miss Misunderstood @ 12 months***

I know I have been very silent.  Probably close to a year now.  Just when I thought things will be more calm after the storm, life has taken to a more turbulent turn.  Life has lead me to a path where I would reconsider all of my objectives and prioritize.  Yes, indeed it took me that long to finally come to this day where I can finally talk about it.  However, that day won't be today in this post but another time in a different post.  This post should be solely dedicated to my Little Miss Misunderstood.  I think henceforth I shall withdraw from that title for her..Princess Yaya she will be just like our first born Princess D.

Yaya turned out on the contrary from the very beginnings of her life on this earth.  Previously I had vented how difficult a baby she was and over time she got better.  Now, she turned into such a pleasant, no fuss little toddler!  She is such a free spirit without a care.  She goes about her own business; the works; she does not demand attention from you unless necessary, she wakes up every morning always with a smile on her face; and only cries when she bumps her head in a fall...haha...Such tremendous turnaround I cannot help but beat myself up and go "What were you thinking?" Mummy is such a douchebag!!

We celebrated her first birthday 16 June and as tradition would have it we had a big bash with people we care for the a week after.  I am so proud of my Maya Arissa!  I could never ask for anything more!  She learned to crawl at 4 months, sit and stand at 6 months and walked at 10 months.  She is my lil go getter!  My lil petit go-getter! 

Maya Arissa, words cannot describe how proud I am of you...you've developed far beyond my expectation and I am truly sorry for being such a pain earlier on and not accept you for who you are. Just like your sister, I will strive to be at my very best for you.  You are my life and the reason I live my everyday.  Mummy and daddy will give our very best to equip you both to set out in the world.  We believe that both of you will make us proud and encourage you to achieve all that you can achieve and support you in all ways possible. I love you endlessly! So Happy Birthday my dear little one.  May you set out to be the best you can be, Insya Allah.