***Liberty***

One more day before confinement ends.  This time around, I had vowed to go through the traditional Malay "pantang" in full force.  And that I did.  Though the results are rather satisfying and one must be equipped with the strongest of wills. 

For me recuperating is not the problem...I think the 2nd week in I was already strong enough, of course there were glitches here and there especially with the "urut urat" the first 10 days of my confinement.  The obstacle for me is getting used to Yaya's rhythm (I dcided to call her that!).  Yaya too probably went through a rough 30 days..well not probably, I confirm that she did go through a rough 30 days especially on day 30...

I think the problem was that there were too many distractions that probably caused me not to be able to get hold or get to know her better...of course 30 days is a tad bit too immature to be making any conclusions but at this 2nd last day, that I finally got the best advice and allow me to be able to take it all at a different light. A bit too late? I hope not...

With Dan Dan, I had ample time to get to know her, to know her rhythm and her patterns cause I pretty much had her to care for independently and there wasn't any distractions. I concentrated on her 100%.  The challenge with Yaya was adjustment.  I had to adjust with the fact that Dan Dan is 3 and it is the attention seeking age...I was too busy balancing everything.  Making sure Dan Dan gets the attention, making sure that Yaya's needs are met and at the same time meeting my needs too...I was distracted with making sure the routine is established and of course being a true Capricorn, that routine cannot be messed with else all else would fail.  And true enough, that was what happened...

Only towards the end of the confinement days that I realized that things would be much easier if I played it by ear...of course there were breakdowns...a lot of which in the shower where I cannot help but bawl my eyes out!!!(the only "me" time I could get!)  By this time there were too many negativities in me that I even thought of walking away...scolded myself for wanting this...at the same time blaming myself for being such a useless mother...

But at this 2nd last day, our paed gave me the best advice which I thought was 30 days late but nevertheless I'll take it in...He said, "...it is because you already have the fear in you after what had happened and now you tend to be over protective and over analyzing things...Yaya is an inquisitive baby! (showing us how Yaya is inspecting paed's consultation room.) Why put her to sleep when she doesn't want to? Let her observe her surroundings, let her take it in and she will let you know when she wants to sleep...why bother making sure that she burps after feeding just because our grans tell us to?If after 5 minutes nothing happens, I wouldn't worry about it...it will come out eventually...why worry if she doesn't poo everyday, even if it is every other day, her poop is not with diarrhea substance and there is no blood with the poop, and with a max of 3 days of not pooping, she is fine...as for her painful gas and the rash, I recommend I.s.o.m.i.l cause it is so obvious that she is lactose intolerant. Try it out, and you will find your life will be less agonizing..."

Best advice I ever got throughout this whole 44 days...From his advice I also concluded that I need to be less of a control freak and enjoy that my baby is here and that we all should enjoy her arrival.  If things don't work out, it is ok, take a breather and learn to take it all in and gain the experience from it.  Stop comparing Yaya to Dan Dan!!! The experience is not the same!!! 

This will remain as a mental note from henceforth...

Anyway, happy liberty to me!!!I survived 44 days of confinement...have not gotten to the weight i want yet but in due time, hopefully...Going out today even for my post natal check up was so liberating and I was able to release some stress - to be able to see the outside of my house was such a sight...It was breathtaking and definitely a stress reliever! Woo saaaaa....