Thursday, May 10, 2007

***Liberation***


"Henry James once wrote: 'Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.'"

I pray to God to give me strength, help me be strong on this road I travel on, when I am lost and lonely please find me for my journey's just begun.............

I chose to give this posting the title "Liberation" due to a few reasons in which I want to express and to some extent vent in this posting. Therefore I pray for God to give me His guidance....

My confinement ended just early last week...Phewwww!!! 44 days was a total drag!!!Everything was so limited and controlled...Somehow I thank God that I decided to spend it at my parents' where the house is spacious enough to move around rather than the apartment we are staying in...I tell you I would have gone mad!!! Despite all that, I am so thankful and grateful for all the extra hands helping me with Daanya. Right from the early 2 week vormitting and did not put on any significant weight since birth to this point where she is taking in 5 oz of milk and outgrowing her newborn attires...Before anything, I want to thank baba and mama for putting in so much time,energy and also money for Daanya. My parents actually bought a whole new set of feeding bottles (Dr. Brown) for Daanya replacing the Avents I bought because Daanya was colicky and the Avents somehow made it worse. I know it said reduced colic...but with Dr. Brown somehow she got better....I guess reduced colic and anti-colic really does make a difference!!!Beats the hell out of me.. *shudder* Back to my rambling...Thank you Baba for supporting Daanya's few trips to the child clinic. Mama, I cannot thank you enough for all the help and advice on taking care of the baby, nagging me to exercise and also going all out to make sure that I get back my good health, the medicines and jamu also the uruts....most of all Thank you so much for your much needed support so that I keep my sanity and maintain my rationality the first few weeks when I was at my lowest of lows....I guess nobody would understand better than you knowing that you too have been through situations as similar as mine when you gave birth to me only I know my petty problems are nowhere compared to what you have been through then. However I am so grateful to have a mother like you...we may have our differences but still my life would be zilch without your TLC. Next of all I would like to express my gratitude to my siblings...Without their help, I probably wouldn't even bathe during the day!!!hahahaha...Thank you for entertaining Daanya...Uncle Joe for being her babysitter every morning while mummy gets her uruts...Uncle adik for just making her laugh and Aunty Anja for cleaning her poopies...hehehhehe!!!Most of all thank you to the family for allowing me to establish a pattern with her...I have to admit it was tough at first doing everything all at once...not knowing which to accomplish first, not knowing how to get things done, ever wondering if I would ever have and find time for myself ever again....Now, I am able to work and operate around her schedule...though sometimes it is hard to even get just a little bit of time...but I am content...I would rather spend it with her anytime. Though my 44 days are over...I can sense that there are still alot to work at...numero uno is getting back that prepregnancy figure!!! Due to postpartum blues and a mild depression...my breastmilk somehow dried up...therefore my wish to lose weight through breastfeeding is now entirely out of the question :( I was very lucky that my mama is also a health freak...therefore I was able to slowly pick up on mild post-natal exercises that is safe within the first few weeks after pregnancy. My mom put me on a strict 'pantang' diet... so much so that I started craving the things that I usually eat when I was pregnant...especially her asam pedas!!!!!!!However there are things I learnt during confinement....Firstly, I learnt that nothing can replace a mothers' love and a mothers' touch. I truly think that without my mama I would be at a total lost as to what is ok and what is not...be it in taking care of me as well as the baby. Secondly, there is so many don'ts in taking care of a little child. They cannot be too cold neither to warm. Hygene is a virtue!!! Babies are very hygenic beings...Whenever Daanya poops.. she will be so cranky if we don't clean her right after....but she does the funniest thing...when she's sleepy, she can excuse her poopied diaper....but somehow she only sleeps for a short time due to it....Thirdly, you have to constantly maintain your relationship with your husband. Communication is so so crucial at this point especially when you are constantly at awe at your new arrival...chances are you might neglect the relationship. I refuse to let that happen to me. Though I wish I could've altered the circumstances at the early part of my confinement. With all that has taken place, I have resolute to come up with a system so that everybody can be happy.I am still thinking of the pros and cons thoroughly. Only thing now is to talk to hazmy and see whether he would agree...Back to communicating...Tok Sha has reminded me before that, once the baby comes it is always important to have at least one day in the week as a date week for just you and your husband.She stressed that this is very important...and I do agree with her....So again I need to come up with a system that works and see whether in the long run it would do us good.Fourthly, I now value the meaning of family. I see that with just the existence of a little baby, a family could actually become stronger and work together. Amazing!!!! When Daanya was around, Mama and Baba was so close...they argued less...hehhehe funny lar their antics!!! Family is very important and I really want that for Daanya..that is why at the end of the day, it is important for Hazmy and I to keep on talking...and be happy. So, I celebrate this liberation from confinement proud that I have learnt so much and know that I have the loving support of those dear to me. The confinement period was such a hurdle for me to cross...so many events took place, so many major decisions being made, so many turning points, alot of maturing up happened...alot on my part lar...now I have non other as my priority except hubby, daanya and both families..my own and in-laws.

I also celebrate the freedom of now having my own child, my own family and able to live independently. Begin a new chapter in our lives. Now our lives would revolve around Daanya and I cannot wait to see how well that will turn out...especially with the grandparental units...all three of them...I can see that now our lives will be more of bringing Daanya over to their houses for visits and squeezing trip
s to the hair salon, or facials or shopping and lepak sessions in the schedule.How is that going to work??? Oh Lordy!!!! I guess we'll figure it out along the way...Funny!!! the word 'System' keeps ringing in my head!!! ahahahhahaha...I now somehow consider myself finally an adult and I celebrate that feeling of liberation...or is it really imprisonment???alarr...it is always good to be an adult kan?? that moment when you are 21....it was as though the world is your oyster!!!everything is ready for you to explore!! But it isn't the same as having given birth to your own child and finally ready to start living as a family that makes you feel really emancipated. *sigh* huh??? why the sigh??? where did that came from??? hhahahahah...

All in all, I cannot wait to finally begin this new life with hubby and Daanya. I have always imagined the day where one day when we h
ave our own child and how we would operate. I hope that my decision to take a maid was not a wrong one. Though having the extra help would actually do me, hubby and relationship some good. Having help from my MIL's maid was very very relieving...therefore I do hope that this new maid would aid in all the everyday workings of our household. Finally, I want to have that sort of life as you see in TV although it is impossible but I would like to achieve that...to got for that perfection!!! I hope to get the loving support of my husband in order to do that...for him to trust my judgements and decisions whatever I will make along the way. I would also like to possibly mend all ties with either my parents as well as my in laws...to start fresh...but only if they allow us to have the kind of living that we opt for our little family. Let us make our own mistakes and live our own lives...and I promise never to exclude any parties!All for this little angel!!! Here's one her just learning to suck the finger....boy!!!She learns and abosrbs things so fast!!!





2 comments:

A Stranger said...

Hi Stranger,

I read your blog and I think it would be nicer if you put more paragraphs in your posts.

My 2 cents.

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